You have a great manager. They possess high technical capabilities for their role and are a great mentor but they have one big weakness. They are addicted to gossip and office politics. A gossiping manager can be very difficult to work with simply because of the power dynamic of their rank and role.
Suppose you have a boss that makes negative and derogatory comments about the leadership team and their peers. Perhaps your manager comes to you with unprofessional comments and talk about how incompetent their other co-workers are. They freely express their personal opinions about broader business decisions which divides the teams. Or even more, your managers gossiping gets personal by talking about other people’s clothing and romantic interests and all of this makes you uncomfortable.
When a manager shares their personal opinions about business decisions, or worse, makes derogatory remarks about peers and co-workers they create a highly toxic workplace. How do you fix a gossiping manager?
Understand Why They Want to Gossip with You
Gossip is used to demonstrate that someone is in the know. Building confidence, creating more intimate connections and establishing trust are other reasons people engage in gossip. People enjoy information sharing and we’ve been doing it since cavemen painted in caves.
Approach the situation thinking their intent was good but misguided. Is your manager trying to establish trust with you by sharing non-public information and making you feel like a confidant? Are they looking to build a deeper connection with you or get your feedback on a difficult situation? Or are they just venting? Knowing why your manager is gossiping with you helps you shift the dynamic toward a positive, problem-solving way.
Find a Comfortable Way to Help Them
Tell them their comments are making you and others uncomfortable but not in a way that shames them. They likely don’t know the impact their gossiping is having on you or the team. While a difficult conversation, you need to express how uncomfortable it makes you.
When your manager tries to engage in gossip, explain your position or perspective on the issue. Acknowledge their need to vent and ask that they not share this with others because even you are uncomfortable with it. Invite them for a chat to talk about some of their recent comments. Ask them to be careful with what they share in front of others because it damages morale. Their desire to gossip may be a blind spot in their self-awareness and bringing it to their attention is the first step in correcting the behavior.
Shift the Conversation to Productive Problem-Solving
Gossip can be good when it is used to share important information or when it is positive in nature. Gossip can also surface conflicts as long as it isn’t done in a degrading or negative way. Venting via gossiping can help process an annoying situation and examine it from other perspectives.
When your manager wants to engage in bad gossip redirect the conversation towards productive problem-solving. Start with empathizing, “I understand how you feel that way” then ask “how can we address or fix this”. Share that isn’t how you viewed the situation and offer your perspective in an attempt to transform their approach. This is a great opportunity for reverse mentoring.
Walking away or disengaging when your manager tries to gossip with you is a mistake. This will likely cause them to find someone else to do it with. Instead, take the time to push back by explaining that it makes you and others uncomfortable. Offer your position or perspective through reverse mentoring. Correct negative gossip by shifting the conversation towards productive problem-solving. Implementing these things in way that you are comfortable with can help you fix a gossiping manager.
Last updated on August 8th, 2020 at 06:23 am
