Emotional abuse at work affects one in four employees and is subtle and slow. Because of this, it flies under the radar and is hard to catch. Emotional abuse can be verbal or offensive conduct/behavior. It can be threatening, humiliating or intimidating. Emotional abuse at work can also include work interference or sabotage. While anyone in any role can be an abuser, it is especially damaging when the perpetrator is an abusive boss.
Emotionally abusive managers are exceptional manipulators. Because they are skilled people readers, they understand their employee’s flaws. As a result, they know what techniques to use to exploit them. Furthermore, they desire to control the behavior of an employee to satisfy their own needs, agenda or self-serving motives. Emotionally abusive bosses mask their bullying behind a charming and nice demeanor or nobility.
In trying to determine if your manager is emotionally abusive, look for patterns of multiple behaviors. Emotional abuse is designed to create anxiety so they can have greater control over the employee.
10 Examples of an Emotionally Abusive Manager
- Intentionally excluding team members from benefits, activities or opportunities
- Deliberate sabotage or preventing someone from delivering their tasks by withholding information, setting impossible deadlines or not providing enough work
- Eliminating responsabilites or decision making authority
- Creating, allowing or ignoring a hostile work environment
- Attacking work deliverables in front of subordinates or peers
- Undermining the reputation of others
- Using demanding or threatening remarks
- Belittling or demeaning comments
- Inappropriate jokes that undermine someone’s value
- Aggressive and public questioning of someone’s credibility
There are many consequences of an emotionally abusive boss. Because the victims of emotional abuse suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and depression there are higher medical costs. Companies are unable to retain talent which increases recruitment fees. Emotionally abusive bosses cause low morale and productivity.
How to Fix an Emotionally Abusive Boss
When you are a victim of an emotionally abusive manager, recognizing the abuse is the first step in removing yourself from it. These 10 actions can help you fix an emotionally abusive boss, or at the very least, remove yourself from the situation.
- Reduce stress by improving physical health – eating better and exercising
- Distance yourself from the abuser whenever possible
- Stand up for yourself – report up a level, report to HR, report to other managers or leaders you can trust
- Stay calm – don’t retaliate, keep a log of comments or actions
- Take control – asking questions turns a bullying situation into a conversation
- Paraphrasing – a powerful technique because it exposes the intent of the abusive boss and as a result can disrupt their thought process
- Laugh at yourself – mocking your own mistakes or shortcomings transfers control over the bully’s remarks back to you
- Be assertive in your responses – bullies rely on politeness don’t consider their feelings in your response
- Excuse yourself from the situation – use whatever reason necessary, bathroom, get water etc.
- Act to resolve the situation – use respectful cooperation to achieve a quick win
Emotionally abusive bosses need to be stopped. The psychological and physical impact on the victim has long lasting effects. It costs the organization money due to lower productivity, low employee retention and lower morale. While an emotionally abusive boss is especially damaging, bullying also happens employee to employee.
If you witness abusive or bullying behavior by a manager or another employee say something. HR is there to help. While fear of reporting is understandable, it is a necessary step in ending workplace bullying and abusive managers.
